Tape 025London
Reel DOCTRINEJJ
That blood running through me
The words
You're very, like,
there's so much love in your questions.
I just want to, like, put
that out there.
Can I be honest?
SEALED
Honestly, I don't know.
Like, I honestly don't know.
Because I have to acknowledge that one side of my
family were the oppressors. And
I do not know how I feel about that. And I do not know how I
feel about that blood running through me. Malcolm
X had the same predicament.
He was mixed, right?
Like,
that's why in many ways, I look up to him and how he dealt with it.
But on a personal note, like, if there is
an element of self hate, because My ancestors,
like half my ancestors were oppressors. Maybe, maybe that's justified.
The room
This is the most honest minute in the video, and I nearly didn’t give it.
The interviewer asked, carefully, whether there was an element of self-hate towards my white side. I stopped, said there was so much love in the questions, and asked if I could be honest. Then: honestly, I don’t know. One side of my family were the oppressors. I don’t know how I feel about that, or about that blood running through me. I reached for Malcolm X the way you reach for a railing. And then I said the sentence I would underline and then argue with: if there is an element of self-hate, maybe it’s justified.
Later that month, on a podcast sofa, the same three words came back — an element of self-hate — about Black men who run down dark-skinned women, and I said it wasn’t an element, it was the whole foundation. Different target, same refusal to make a wound smaller so it’s easier to carry.
I am not crying wolf, and I’m not asking for pity. I’m recording that in April 2021 I did not know, and said so, on camera, in a video with a PlayStation giveaway at the end. Doubt turned on yourself first is the only kind that earns the right to be turned on anyone else.
The receipt
Words
Fireflies · diarised audio transcript
DOCTRINE transcript · Speaker 1 · turns 00:33:41 + 00:33:53 + 00:33:58
Speaker 1 = JJ · anchored on 4 lines
Time
FCP captions · the cue lines
DOCTRINE captions · 00:33:41.9–00:34:39.2
Provenance
The canon index
DOCTRINE master index v1.1 · not tiered — found in the skim
DivergenceThe captions garble three words — oppressors, Malcolm X, ancestors. The transcript is printed.
Testimony, not fabrication.
The echo
MALCOLM X — the essay this is the receipt for
The decode
BLOODa reading of the word — not of the passage
🔒 verified bridge 19b871bf A reading, not a claim. The keyword room → Read any word →